Don’t Press the Burger

[Intro: grill sizzling, funky bass riff]

[Spoken]
First rule of burgers…

[Pause]

Stop touching the meat.

[Drum hit]

[Verse 1: bouncing groove]

Get that eighty-twenty beef
Fat brings flavor
That’s the belief

Six ounces
Nice and loose
Don’t knead the life
Out of the juice

Shape it wider
Than the bun
Little dimple
Center one

Straight in the fridge
Till the skillet’s hot

[Backing Vocals]
HOT! HOT! HOT!

[Lead]
Cast iron screaming
That’s the spot

[Pre-Chorus]

Salt and pepper
Right before

Season both sides
Nothing more

No breadcrumbs
No egg inside

This ain’t meatloaf
Let the beef provide

[Chorus: crunchy guitars]

DON’T PRESS THE BURGER!
LET THE JUICES STAY

HARD SEAR FIRST
THEN FLIP AWAY

Three or four minutes
First side down
Deep brown crust
All around

Flip it once
Cheese goes on

[Backing Vocals]
Cover that pan!

[Lead]
Let it melt
Then move along

[Verse 2]

Toast those buns
Cut-side low
Butter if you want
Let ’em glow

Pickles ready
Onions sliced
Tomato salted
Very nice

Sauce could be
Mayo and mustard

Ketchup too
If that’s your custom

[Backing Vocals]
Build it!
Stack it!

[Lead]
But don’t bury
All the beef

[Bridge: beat drops, spoken rhythm]

For food safety
Ground beef should reach
One-sixty Fahrenheit

[Backing Vocals]
Check the middle!

[Lead]
Use a thermometer
Not your hopes and dreams

And once it’s done
Let it rest
Just a minute or two

Because patience
Is technically
An ingredient too

[Final Chorus: bigger]

DON’T PRESS THE BURGER!
LET THE JUICES STAY

HARD SEAR FIRST
THEN FLIP AWAY

Toast the bun
Melt the cheese
Pickles
Onions
Sauce with ease

Keep it simple
Keep it bold

Juicy center
Crust like gold

[Gang Vocals]
BEEF!
SALT!
HEAT!
REST!

[Lead]
That’s the burger
That’s the test

[Outro: grill sizzle fading]

[Spoken]
Eighty-twenty.

Hot pan.

One flip.

Don’t press it.

[Pause]

Unless you’re making smash burgers.

[Backing Vocals]
Different song!

[Final guitar hit]