Stop Marching Rows

[Intro: keyboard clicks, modem pulse, funky bass 💾]

[Verse 1: Electro-Funk]
JDBC brought every row
In a single-file parade.
Objects formed and values copied,
Conversion tolls were paid.
It built a mighty legacy.
Its drivers reach for miles.
But analytics wants columns,
Not a conga line of files.

[Pre-Chorus: synths rising]
When the query holds a million rows
And every column sings,
Why unpack them into objects
Just to columnize again?

[Chorus: Progressive Rock 🚀]
Stop marching rows!
Let the columns fly!
ADBC moves Arrow batches
Through the analytical sky!
Typed memory, bulk retrieval,
Less reshaping down the line.
When your data stack speaks Arrow,
Keep the format columnar by design!

[Verse 2: Nerdcore Rap 🎤]
Query, fetch, ingest at scale.
Column buffers hit the rail.
Python, Java, C, and Go
Meet through one familiar flow.
Database drivers do their part.
Arrow keeps the schema sharp.
Nested values, nulls, and types
Travel ready for the analytical fight.

[Genre Shift: Industrial Rock ⚡]
NO BOXING!
NO ROW-BY-ROW!
KEEP THE BATCHES IN THE FLOW!
BULK INGEST!
RESULT SET!
FEWER FORMAT DEBTS TO GET!

[Bridge: piano, calm spoken voice]
JDBC is not the villain.
Transactions know its name.
Its ecosystem stays enormous,
And not all workloads play the same.
But when analytics is the mission,
And Arrow waits downstream,
Choose the interface designed
For columnar data’s dream.

[Final Chorus: Full choir, key change 🌟]
Stop marching rows!
Let the columns fly!
ADBC keeps bulk data moving
Without asking every value why!
Open drivers, shared semantics,
Arrow ready at the gate.
Use JDBC where it serves you.
Use ADBC when batches dominate!

[Outro: database connection chime]

[Engineer]
Rows?

[Choir]
For transactions!

[Engineer]
Columns?

[Choir]
For analytics!

[Final synth hit]
ADBC!