The Auction of my Better Qualities

[Intro: gavel strikes, murmuring aristocrats, harpsichord 🔨]

[Auctioneer]
Welcome, esteemed admirers!
Everything must go!
He’ll become whatever you desire
If your affection bids below!

[Verse 1: Baroque Pop, strings and handclaps 🎩]
First upon the velvet block,
My patience, barely used.
Perfect for a restless heart
That needs to be excused.
Next, my sense of humor,
Guaranteed to hide distress.
Who’ll offer one approving laugh?
Sold to the woman in the dress!

My honesty comes tarnished,
But it polishes up well.
My boundaries are missing.
That should help the item sell.
My sleep arrives in seven lots.
My dignity makes eight.
My future goes to anyone
Who promises they’ll stay.

[Chorus: Explosive Dance-Rock, brass and choir 💰]
Going once! Going twice!
How much love will buy my life?
Take my time! Take my name!
Turn my kindness into fame!
If I keep what makes me whole,
Will anybody raise their hand?
I’m selling all my better parts
To become a better man!

Going once! Going twice!
Every virtue has a price!
I’ll be everything you wanted.
Just applaud when I’m complete.
What good is being true to me
If nobody takes a seat?

[Verse 2: Electro-Swing, walking bass, auction chant 🎺]
A gentleman bought confidence.
A critic purchased pride.
A lonely heart took tenderness
And left the box outside.
Ambition sold for headlines.
Desire sold for touch.
I started feeling weightless.
They said I asked too much.

[Auctioneer, accelerating]
Who wants his evenings?
Who wants his voice?
Who’ll take responsibility
For every private choice?
His anger? Unsold!
His fear? Withdrawn!
His charming little personality?
Already gone!

[Genre Shift: Glam Punk, distorted guitars ⚡]
BID! BID!
MAKE ME WORTH IT!
LOVE’S A MARKET!
I’LL REVERSE IT!
BUY MY SMILE!
LEASE MY SOUL!
EVERY SALE MAKES ME LESS WHOLE!

[Bridge: lonely music box, empty hall 🕯️]
When the chandeliers went dark,
I searched the dusty floor.
A tag remained where I had stood:
“No owner anymore.”
I’d mistaken being wanted
For possessing any worth.
Now strangers owned the evidence
That I had walked the earth.

[Final Chorus: Orchestral Rock, choir, rising key 🌟]
Going once! Going twice!
I withdraw myself tonight!
Keep your coins and expectations.
Keep the person you designed.
I will gather what remains of me,
Though some cannot return.
A self is not a masterpiece
That admiration earns.

Going once! Going twice!
Let the auction meet its end.
I would rather leave unfinished
Than be purchased as a friend.
Close the books and clear the ballroom.
Let the final gavel fall.
I may not be worth everything,
But I’m no longer up for sale.

[Outro: gavel strike, one quiet coin rolling]

[Auctioneer, softly]
No bids accepted.

[Narrator]
Not even love.