Not One Clean Answer

[Verse 1]
I sort the good suit from the hungry one
Both keep my face, both know my name
One says, “Stay, they need you where you are”
One counts the doors and calls it shame
The calendar is crowded with their needs
Your small hand finds my sleeve, and I stay
While somewhere past the list, a life waits
With its unfinished light, a mile away

[Pre-Chorus]
I love you more than leaving could explain
I want a room where I can hear my own heart

[Chorus]
I am not one clean answer
I am the hand that holds and pulls away
I want the life I keep postponing
I want you safe beside me all the same
If happiness is something we can practice
Let me learn it without throwing love aside
I’ll carry both truths through the weather
With the selfish and the kind still side by side

[Verse 2]
The sink is full, the evening slips its leash
A lunchbox waits beside the unpaid bill
I smile at every story that you tell
Then hear the other life go quiet still
I’m not ashamed that I want something more
I’m scared the wanting makes me hard to know
So I come back to the table, pass the bread
And feel the door inside me open slow

[Pre-Chorus]
I love you more than leaving could explain
I want a room where I can hear my own heart

[Chorus]
I am not one clean answer
I am the hand that holds and pulls away
I want the life I keep postponing
I want you safe beside me all the same
If happiness is something we can practice
Let me learn it without throwing love aside
I’ll carry both truths through the weather
With the selfish and the kind still side by side

[Bridge]
Maybe I can want without abandoning
Maybe care can leave a little air
Maybe I can name the thing I’m missing
And still be here, still meet you there
[Group Chant]
Stay and change
Stay and change

[Final Chorus]
I am not one clean answer
I am the hand that holds and pulls away
I want the life I’m finally reaching for
I want you safe beside me all the same
If happiness is something we can practice
Let me build it where our lives collide
I’ll carry both truths through the weather
With the selfish and the kind still side by side

[Outro]
Still beside you
Still becoming